Friday, November 01, 2002
Oh...My feet still hurt.Yesterday was...fun. Most of it. Practially all of it.
I slept 'til ten and woke up with a hangover - no I had not been drinking, I'd just been sleeping for too long - and got physically ill. While I was hanging over the toilet David called. I couldn't call him back since the main phone doesn't "do" long-distance. So I brushed my teeth, laid back down for a bit and took a shower. In which David called AGAIN.
Some people...Then when he knocks on the door an hour later he's asking me where I was. He knows I can't call him back. *shakes her head* Boys.
Anyway - He drags me off, introduces me to his son for the third time. No problem. We go for lunch, drive around a bit and come back to my place - when Mom calls looking for the laundry key. Whoops. I didn't put it back. And Dave's trying to say my Mom's a real something-or-other. I wasn't paying attention to him right then. I told him to go away and gave him a few good streets to take Little David to. So he went away.
And I was helping Mom prepare for ritual later that night, finding this and that and helping prepare a desert. Fun, actually.
Then I help cart stuff over to a friends and help set up and wow - FOOD! Mostly desserts, but therewas a pasta and a load of chili and potatoes and I really need to do something about these run-on sentences and more deserts. And peopel in costume - YAY! So I run home and change into my Ren Faire costume.
So I hang out for a while and give treats to kids. Hide the fake witch - as opposed to the real ones inside - from the crying child. Watch this guy stare at my chest and make really disgusting comments - watch someone else shoot him down and giggle. And finaly anounce that _*I'm*_ going trick or treating wiht or without someone. Whee - Four other chicks decide "Hell yeah!" and off we go.
Strange thing - every house we went to we were the third group or so to stop there. Weird. But that's okay. We got candy and snackcakes and ... magazines. From one house. We turned down the bills though.
We were woefully unprepared - no eggs and no toilet paper. Oh well.
The first house we went to had been - some years ago - a mortuary. Funeral home. Yep. Now it's apartments. Front door was no problem - went up and knocked and got gum and suckers - YAY! Then we went to the back.
Right so the youngest - 15. I think maybe a little younger, maybe a little older - went up the back stairs looking for people who were home. Gem, Court and I followed her. The stairwell was kind of small and had wooden stairs that creaked badly. On the first floor, they were carpeted. There were only four going to the first set of doors, and they were carpteted. No one answered. So we went up to the second floor - Oops. It's a landing. The carpet's worn a little thin, but the light's good. So we go up to the third landing - YAY! Doors! One of them has a decoration and the other has...a padlock on the outside. Right. So we knock and wait and someone starts rattiling the locked door. The one locked on the outside. Maybe it's someone's back door - I dunno. Didn't stick around to find out. Court led the way down - the edges of her costume flapping. It got caught on a nail. I almost lost an shoe, Gem nearly slipped and Sera alomst lost her hat. We kept giggling all the way down about "B" Horror Flicks. We went aournd the neighborhood giving away candy and getting candy and having all sorts of fun.
The we go back to the house since we're cold and our feet hurt and it's misting a bit.
Everyone - wiht the exception of My self and Dean - go prepare for ritual. Dean and I figure out the TV set up, watch a couple comedians and I decide to go back home. I talk to Spots, get warmed up, take a shower, check my mail and get bored. So I go back over.
They're serving food! Woo!
So I stay until two or two-thirty, listening to people yitter and just hang out - eating other peoples' food. Doens't get much better. Then I come home wiht mum and we go to bed around three. And I kept waking up so I read a little until I fell asleep again.
There's stuff I left out, but it's not really important. Now I'm going to surf until I'm bored. *waves*
.:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 10:08 PM
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Laws of Computing* When computing, whatever happens, behave as though
you meant it to happen.
* When you get to the point where you really
understand
your computer, it's probably obsolete.
* The first place to look for information is in the
section of the manual where you least expect to find
it.
* When the going gets tough, upgrade.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite
malfunction.
* To err is human . . . To blame your computer for
your mistakes is even more human, it is downright
natural.
* If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
* A complex system that does not work is invariably
found
to have evolved from a simpler system that worked
perfectly.
* The number one cause of computer problems? Computer
solutions offered by family members.
.:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 9:49 PM
Weird Signs -
At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law." - Sisters of Mercy"
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."
In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."
In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."
In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"
On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.."
At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, Å10. They won't last an hour¤"
On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament-Ears pierced"
Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."
On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."
In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."
On the grounds of a public school:
"No trespassing without permission."
On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
.:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 7:15 PM
Monday, October 28, 2002
And if you get all of those, I'm gonna laugh at you..:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 10:43 PM
You've Been in Corporate America Too Long When...
You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
You refer to dating as test marketing.
You can spell "paradigm."
You actually know what a paradigm is.
You understand your airline's fare structure.
You write executive summaries on your love letters.
Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page presentation with six other people you don't know.
You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this off-line".
You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering", "down- sizing", "right-sizing", and "firing people's asses."
You actually believe your explanation in number 15.
You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
You refer to your previous life as "my sunk cost."
You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.
You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.
You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
Your "deliverable" for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.
You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing.
You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection.
You give constructive feedback to your dog.
.:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 10:40 PM
An Introduction to the World
Web-Home of Parvastur Tultema, Tecilquar of the Spring-fed Field, Lover of Nature, Smiter of Idiots, Watch-Warden of the Squirrels of Inconvenience, Nazi of the Grocery, Wielder of Sword of Bronze and Emerald, Inciter of Bunnies, and Wereslut of a Thousand Forms.
Much more subtlety like that, and I'm going to have to become a used car salesman just to maintain my self-respect.
Being able to fly would be cool, but only if I could fly fast. Flying slow is floating, and that's just creepy.
Look, Lemmings -- a Cliff!
Proper Nouns
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