An Introduction to the World

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Nothing too deep into my life today folks. It's just been the same-old, same-old. ^^

Instead - I give you Quotes from Off the Wall at Callahan's. {I reccomend the books - credited to Spider Robinson, witnessed and told by Jake Stonebender. Spider's other books are good too. Go look him up at your local family owned Second-hand bookstore. Beware the puns.} Oh, and any mistakes are mine. And only mine.

Again - there may be puns here. Take caution. I'm not responsible for the reactions - I'm merely retelling these.

Callahan's Law: Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased.

Lady Sally's Law: Shared hope despair is squared; shared hope is cubed. {Or better: Raised to the power of infinity?}

A person should live forever or die trying - Callahan

One man's meat is another man's person - Lady Sally

Context is everything. Breast-feeding is beneficial for nearly all infants - but for an elderly cardiac patient, it can be fatal - Samuel Webster M.D {RIP Doc. We love you.}

Never wake up a cop by dropping a .45 on the pavement next to him - Joe

Everybody's got roots in the past - but they all got root in the future too. - Fast Eddie

Never been to a shrink. What coud be sillier than a priest who doesn't believe in the soul? - Stephen Gaskin

The delusion that one's sexual pattern is the Only Right Way To Be is probably the single most common sexual-psychosis syndrom of this era, and it is virtually almost always the victim's fault. You cannot aquire this delusion by observation of reality. - Lady Sally

Sometimes I think I have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me. Only he's an imbecil. - Jake

I must have missed something: if a guy has truly absolute power, then what could you possibly corrupt him with? Acton got it backward: what engenders corrupton is paranoia, the perception of inadequate power. Absolute power renders you absolutely immune from corruption. - Mike.

People who wear glasses are lucky. We have stars on rainy nights. - Jake

Still I persist in wondering whether folly must always be our nemisis. - Edgar Pangborn

IT claims to be fully automatic, but actually you have to push this little button here - Gentleman John Killian

Logic is a way of going wrong with confidence - Stinky Kettering

A truce between the sexes? Are you out of your goddamned mind?What else is there to distract us all from onrushing death? Television? - Jake

Writing is a simple trick: all you have to do is sit and stare at a blank piece of paper, until beads of blood form on your forehead... - Larry van Cott.

If it's sloppy, eat it over the sink. - Tommy Robbins

We were not making love, we were fucking. Nothing wrong with that; just not enough right with it. - Maureen.

UI've been in hospitals. They take away your pants. Then they hurt you and starve you and expose you to disease. THen they bill you. A lot. - Joe

In a world like this, a freak is no bad thing to be. They proved that back in the Sixties. - Arethusa

More to come later - I promise. When I get around to typing them up.

.:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 8:11 PM

Sunday, August 10, 2003

Next order of business, there's something I need to get straight with you. It revolves around who - or more exactly what - we are. For the record, we are Corax - know to the vulgar as wereravens. Almost as important, however, is what we are not. Specifically:

We ain't crows. Never have been, never will be. Got it? We don't chase scarecrows, bring killer mimes back from the dead, or do anything else of that sort. We are ravens, the eater of dead things' eyes, and anyone dumb enough to confuse us with those bird-brained lummoxes deserves to be our next meal. Got it? Good. 'Cause if I ever, ever catch you confusing us with crows, I'll claw your eyes out myself.

Ahem. On a more dignified note, we are the senior species of the Corvinus, and the human scientists claim my Kin have been on this planet since the Jurassic. No, the actual Jurassic, not the movie; as for your ancestors, well, they've got about a hundred million fewer orbits under their belts. Deal with it. Us Corvids are the senior branch and you're just the bratty kids.

But anyway, we're the largest songbirds in the world, and there's an old wives' tale that if you slit a raven's tongue, he can learn to talk. Anyone tries it on you, peck her eyes out. You can already talk, and anyone who thinks that slicing your tongue in half will force you to grow interesting neural pathways should be yanked out of the genepool by the ears.

As for the damn crows? "Lesser" members of the family, that's what the science books say. Getting confused with a crow is an insult, and you are never, ever to take it lying down. We have a fine and noble place in the order of things; crows are just a part of the disposal unit. Getting called a crow is like being an honor student and getting mistaken for the weird old anitor who lives in the basement and sniffs Mr. Clean on the sly.

Now. On to business.

.:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 9:09 PM

In this joint, everybody's got a story of how their spiritual great-granddaddy created the world, usually for their exclusive benefit. Now, after hearing the Garou and vampires and Gaia knows who else expound on how the world got made, I've just got one question:

How the hell do they know?

I mean, think about it. One of the things that pisses me off most about the vast majority of the creatures crawling around on this rock is that none of them admit it if they don't know something. They always have to come up with some self-aggrandizing myth about how the whole megillah is here for their benefit.

The thing that makes it a right bitch is that any one of the tales could be right too.

See what I'm getting at? Obviously, the story the Nuwisha tell their cubs isn't the same as the one the Ananasi tell their hatchlings. Their story isn't the same one as the human scientists in their white lab coats tell their undergrads. And each one kinda works, kinda makes sense if you're willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. Damnit! And because we've got so many stories, we can't know which one's accurate. Sure, everyone's happy with their own personal How It All Came To Be and that works for them - the Garou who's sure of his story can go out and do what he has to do. The Garou who isn't sits on his tail and gets the existential Harano blues - and meanwhie the Wyrm runs amuck.

And here we are, programmed for curiosity, hell-bent and hardwired on getting the truth out of every situation. And we don't even know all the facts about this. See what I mean about infuriating? Yeah, thought so.

Sorry about that rant. Sometimes it gets to me. Still, all this leads up to secret #1, which is How the World Got Made Short version? I have no bloody idea. I wasn't there. And seeing as I wasn't there and I don't have an eyewitness, I'm not going to speculate. I reiterate for the young raven in the back: The world exists. For the moment, that's enough. Should a pressing need arise for us to uncover how the first two atoms of mud clumped together, rest assured, we will find out.

That's a valuable lesson right there, by the way: In the absence of reliable information, don't speculate. You've been created as a scout, and your job is to bring back fast, accurate info. Misinformation is worse than uselessl it's actively dangerous.

That's why we don't worry too much about the way the world got made. It'll drive ya nuts if you think to hard about it or ask too many people, but worse if we start making assumptions based on unreliable sources, we run the risk of acting on bad information. Instead, we're just happy the damned thing's here.

- One Corax' outlook on the Creation

.:.Uniquely maladjusted... But fun.:. 12:59 AM

An Introduction to the World

Web-Home of Parvastur Tultema, Tecilquar of the Spring-fed Field, Lover of Nature, Smiter of Idiots, Watch-Warden of the Squirrels of Inconvenience, Nazi of the Grocery, Wielder of Sword of Bronze and Emerald, Inciter of Bunnies, and Wereslut of a Thousand Forms.

Much more subtlety like that, and I'm going to have to become a used car salesman just to maintain my self-respect.

Being able to fly would be cool, but only if I could fly fast. Flying slow is floating, and that's just creepy.

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