Saturday, January 01, 2005

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Monday, December 27, 2004

In the course of an evening of abject and Bacchanalian delights, If I should become incapacitated or aggressively vegetative through the use of various alcoholic or controlled substances and if I should be discovered insuch a catatonic stupor lying in a hallway, lobby,. gutter, alleyway, park, supermarket or any place public of private, I hereby offer myself as a love toy to any member of (the) ____________ sex [same, opposite, either] who might stumble upon me. I further request that no extraordinary means be used to revive me in order to get my permission for said lascivious purposes, just TAKE ME! TAKE ME NOW! TAKE ME HARD! Furthermore, you Mac use me [i.e. lick, stroke, rub, fondle, tease, knead, nuzzle, suck, ride, torment, nibble, etc. Ad infinitum] as you deem appropriate, with no limit to depravity barring the following restrictions: take the proper precautions to prevent the sharing of sexually transmitted diseases or the conception of children ad avoid any practices which involve excessive loss of blood, the puncturing of human flesh, the use of high voltage, or the viewing of Gilligan's Island reruns.

In conclusion, when you have finished using my body well, please leave my clothes and ID where I can find them. Also please leave me with review copies of Polaroids, videos, artist's sketches or signed confessions taken during our moments of splendor [publication contingent upon my approval].

Excepting the failure to follow the aforementioned conditions, no parties shall be held liable for any sexual performance or lack thereof, remembered or forgotten, etc. as expressed or intimated in the above guidelines. Please, therefore, enjoy yourself as much as is possible and share the gory details with me at some later date.

Signed ________________________

Anno Domini ___________________

Witnessed _____________________

Notarized _____________________

An Introduction to the World

Web-Home of Parvastur Tultema, Tecilquar of the Spring-fed Field, Lover of Nature, Smiter of Idiots, Watch-Warden of the Squirrels of Inconvenience, Nazi of the Grocery, Wielder of Sword of Bronze and Emerald, Inciter of Bunnies, and Wereslut of a Thousand Forms.

Much more subtlety like that, and I'm going to have to become a used car salesman just to maintain my self-respect.

Being able to fly would be cool, but only if I could fly fast. Flying slow is floating, and that's just creepy.

Look, Lemmings -- a Cliff!

Proper Nouns

Message Machine

Fun Things

archives

07/14/2002 - 07/21/2002
07/21/2002 - 07/28/2002
07/28/2002 - 08/04/2002
08/04/2002 - 08/11/2002
08/11/2002 - 08/18/2002
08/18/2002 - 08/25/2002
09/01/2002 - 09/08/2002
09/08/2002 - 09/15/2002
09/15/2002 - 09/22/2002
09/22/2002 - 09/29/2002
09/29/2002 - 10/06/2002
10/13/2002 - 10/20/2002
10/20/2002 - 10/27/2002
10/27/2002 - 11/03/2002
11/03/2002 - 11/10/2002
11/10/2002 - 11/17/2002
11/24/2002 - 12/01/2002
12/01/2002 - 12/08/2002
12/08/2002 - 12/15/2002
12/15/2002 - 12/22/2002
12/22/2002 - 12/29/2002
01/12/2003 - 01/19/2003
02/02/2003 - 02/09/2003
03/09/2003 - 03/16/2003
03/23/2003 - 03/30/2003
03/30/2003 - 04/06/2003
04/06/2003 - 04/13/2003
04/20/2003 - 04/27/2003
04/27/2003 - 05/04/2003
05/04/2003 - 05/11/2003
05/11/2003 - 05/18/2003
05/18/2003 - 05/25/2003
05/25/2003 - 06/01/2003
06/01/2003 - 06/08/2003
06/15/2003 - 06/22/2003
06/22/2003 - 06/29/2003
06/29/2003 - 07/06/2003
07/06/2003 - 07/13/2003
07/13/2003 - 07/20/2003
07/20/2003 - 07/27/2003
08/03/2003 - 08/10/2003
08/10/2003 - 08/17/2003
08/17/2003 - 08/24/2003
08/24/2003 - 08/31/2003
08/31/2003 - 09/07/2003
09/07/2003 - 09/14/2003
09/14/2003 - 09/21/2003
09/21/2003 - 09/28/2003
09/28/2003 - 10/05/2003
10/05/2003 - 10/12/2003
10/12/2003 - 10/19/2003
10/19/2003 - 10/26/2003
10/26/2003 - 11/02/2003
11/02/2003 - 11/09/2003
11/09/2003 - 11/16/2003
11/16/2003 - 11/23/2003
11/23/2003 - 11/30/2003
11/30/2003 - 12/07/2003
12/07/2003 - 12/14/2003
12/14/2003 - 12/21/2003
12/21/2003 - 12/28/2003
12/28/2003 - 01/04/2004
01/04/2004 - 01/11/2004
01/11/2004 - 01/18/2004
01/18/2004 - 01/25/2004
01/25/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 02/08/2004
02/08/2004 - 02/15/2004
02/15/2004 - 02/22/2004
02/22/2004 - 02/29/2004
02/29/2004 - 03/07/2004
03/07/2004 - 03/14/2004
03/14/2004 - 03/21/2004
03/21/2004 - 03/28/2004
03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004
04/04/2004 - 04/11/2004
04/11/2004 - 04/18/2004
04/18/2004 - 04/25/2004
05/09/2004 - 05/16/2004
05/16/2004 - 05/23/2004
05/23/2004 - 05/30/2004
05/30/2004 - 06/06/2004
06/06/2004 - 06/13/2004
06/13/2004 - 06/20/2004
06/20/2004 - 06/27/2004
06/27/2004 - 07/04/2004
07/04/2004 - 07/11/2004
07/11/2004 - 07/18/2004
07/25/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 08/08/2004
08/08/2004 - 08/15/2004
08/22/2004 - 08/29/2004
08/29/2004 - 09/05/2004
09/19/2004 - 09/26/2004
09/26/2004 - 10/03/2004
10/03/2004 - 10/10/2004
10/17/2004 - 10/24/2004
10/24/2004 - 10/31/2004
10/31/2004 - 11/07/2004
11/07/2004 - 11/14/2004
11/14/2004 - 11/21/2004
11/21/2004 - 11/28/2004
11/28/2004 - 12/05/2004
12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004
12/19/2004 - 12/26/2004
12/26/2004 - 01/02/2005
01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005
01/09/2005 - 01/16/2005
01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005
02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005
02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005
03/20/2005 - 03/27/2005
05/01/2005 - 05/08/2005
05/15/2005 - 05/22/2005
06/05/2005 - 06/12/2005
06/26/2005 - 07/03/2005
09/25/2005 - 10/02/2005
10/30/2005 - 11/06/2005
11/20/2005 - 11/27/2005
11/27/2005 - 12/04/2005
01/15/2006 - 01/22/2006
02/26/2006 - 03/05/2006

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